My husband’s Ice Queen

I’ve been married for about 8 months now, and while I have misled people on Facebook into thinking that we’re some googly-eyed newlyweds stroking each other’s hairs and wiping each other’s butts [that’s what married people do, right? I mean, I didn’t get married to continue wiping my OWN butt], we’re not.

And it’s not because of my husband – not to say that he WANTS to wipe my butt [although I haven’t actually asked, mainly because I’m afraid of the answer]. No, no. It’s because I’m Asian an Ice Queen.

In case you don’t know me very well [and therefore, it is not painfully obvious to you], I have certain, let’s say, “quirks” that I believe characterises me as an Ice Queen, some of which I have highlighted below by comparing how normal people would act in particular situations to how I would (and have).

Situation #1: Seeing a baby

Normal people	Ice Queen

Situation #2: At a wedding

Normal people	Ice Queen

Situation #3: Getting flowers

Normal people	Ice Queen

As a single Ice Queen, I think I was broadly able to get through life without too many problems so long as I avoided babies, weddings, romantic gestures and anything requiring an emotional reaction. In fact, I actually found it empowering to declare myself as an Ice Queen because with it came the implication that I am not affected by these things you humans call “feelings” which merely create happiness distractions. Oh, no, no, I’m way too smart for that, and all you touchy-feely people are stupid and annoying.

For instance, look at the Cowardly Lion and you try telling me that you don’t want to just punch him in face.

Now the Tin Man – he’s more my kind of guy. Yeah, he might look a little murderer-y and I’m not too sure what he’s so surprised about [which largely concerns me because it causes premature forehead wrinkles], but I don’t ever remember wanting to shake him like the way you shouldn’t shake a baby.

If I was Tin Man, this is what I would have been thinking all the time:

So yeah, I fully embraced my inner Ice Queen because, well, it is who I be and it didn’t really hurt anyone [although it may have offended some mothers].

However, now that I’m married and am having to deal with the possibility of having my own babies and have a husband who sends me chocolates and makes me handmade cards [using GLITTER – now you know that means love], I am realising that this igloo I’ve built around myself is probably not helping me in the pursuit of outsourcing my butt-wiping services, especially when:

• I can’t seem to say “I love you”, except only through text [and then I ironically go overboard with the ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤];
• my husband tells me how delicious all of my cooking is, and I seriously doubt that on the balance of probabilities; and
• I get annoyed after my husband does the dishes after dinner every night because he didn’t stack the dishes on the rack the way I want correctly.

I’m not saying that I need to relinquish my Ice Queen title in order to have a successful relationship [honestly, I’m not too sure what exactly I’m saying]. I suppose what I’m trying to learn to do is not be so dismissive of people’s feelings, be less methodical in the way I interact with others and just kind of “let it go” [come on, you knew that one was coming].

[This has nothing to do with anything, but I just think it’s super cute.]

(By the way, if you share some of the traits discussed above, that doesn’t necessarily make you an Ice Queen too [because there can only be one Queen, bitch].)